Happy New Year

So here we are in the year 2012.

I hope it's a damm better year that 2011 was.

From the end of June 2010 to New Year's Eve 2011 the let eighteen months have been a journey that has been.. interesting to say the least.

When 2011 came, things started to look up a little.  In January I was liking in a hooker hotel, separated by 150 miles from my family.  Michelle finally found us a beautiful little home, and we finished moveing in during February.

My boss was able to arrange a situation where I was actually able to see my family at times other than the weekends.

Thanks to a stupid woman in a BMW, I was able to secure a new car.

We celebrated Michelle's 44th birthday, which no one thought she would make it to.

Then, May came... and it all went into the shitter....

Michelle died.

I nearly lost my home again, and without a hail-Mary pass from someone who I am forever grateful to, I would be right back where I had started the year.

Because of ONE whiner, I am now forced to be a 91 commando, fighting that traffic daily, and in the process missing every significant milestone and event in my family.  I leave before 6AM, and rarely am home before 9PM.

Thanks to the whiner, I completely hate my job.  And, it's not like I do anything significant anymore, aside from calling others to do the work.  I recently remarked to a co-worker that I wouldn't mind if this particular whiner was hit with a Scud missile.  They think I am kidding.

Missed school events, games, and other things.  Season tickets for the local minor-league team thrown away, wasted because I could not be home in time for the games.  For a fucking job.  I used to tell people I worked with that no man on his deathbed EVER says "Gee, I wish I would have worked more hours".

But, I know no other way.  They give me a paycheck, and in spite of having to dedicate 22% of my after tax income to commuting expenses just to keep this shitty job, I do it.

For a company that gives not a shit about it's people, or it's customers unless they are big national accounts. Every day it seems, there is a new procedure, a new form or spreadsheet to fill out to satisfy the endless stream of MBA's who never learned in business school that people are behind those forecasts and spreadsheets that they use to run the business with.

What the fuck has happened to the world?

As I sit here pondering my future, I am appalled by the fact that everywhere I go these days, the people I interact with seem to think of their jobs as an inconvenient interruption of their personal lives.

Think I am just being a Cranky Geek?

Try to get the kid at the local 7-11 off his cell phone long enough to get you some beer out of the back, since he was "too busy" to restock the cooler.

Ask the cute girl at Carl's Jr. who barely speaks English for some BBQ sauce on your way out the door, and listen to her loud, exasperated sigh as she reaches four inches away from her to get a couple of em for you.

Listen carefully to the people around you - most pointedly the under-30 crowd that seems to think once they are out of high school, they deserve some 100K management position with 25+ weeks of vacation.  I deal with this every day - both personally and professionally.  "This really sucks I have to get up at the crack of 9AM and go do something productive", is a familiar refrain.

When did we become so lazy?

While I was blessed for many years to be doing a job that I love, instead of the current job I loathe, I still recognize that as much as I hate it, this daily grind still puts a roof over my head, and food in my belly.  I don't like it any more than the rest of the cubicle captives around the world.  But I try not to complain too loudly about it.

Letters to my Wife

Dear Michelle,

  I have had my coffee and Sunday bagel, read the Sunday Times like we always did - tossing some things across the bed for you to read, and realizing you aren't there to read them.  The house is full of kids - Jennifer has come to stay awhile, helping Shae with some of the things she needs to do.  So like when the little ones were really little, I am up at the crack of dawn watching the sunrise and enjoying the coolness of the morning, and the quiet.

But while I am in a house full of people, for me it is empty.  I am missing you this morning more than I usually do,  mostly because I dwell on the things we didn't do.  That cruise.  Camping where Pop loved to spend his time in Mexico.  Birthday dinners and celebrations at our favorite places.  I will do those things  soon, but I will do them alone.  It would be unfair to take anyone along - even the children -  to have to compete with your memory.

I promised you a long time ago that I would take care of the children, and you know I never break promises.  They are handling things well, and actually looking forward to school starting back up in September.

Missing you so much today, and always

-M