I just

Needed to write something today

Ida Michelle Brewer

March 18, 1967  -  May 18, 2011

My darling Michelle,

God took you from us this morning and while I am sad and pained, I wanted to put this in writing so the world knows what you did, and will continue to do for me.

When I met you, I was at a crossroads in my life, not sure where I was going or what I was doing.  Then you came along, like a tornado, and turned it all upside down and sideways.  For 11 years, flush or flat broke, no matter where we were, you stuck with me, and encouraged me to take risks that I might not have taken.  For that I cannot thank you enough, for I am a better person because of you.

No one could ever make me as crazy mad as you could, and while others didn't understand - we did.  When you pair strong-headed people, which we certainly both were, there is bound to be friction, and boy did we have some!  And after all the fuck you's, kiss my asses, and other name calling - and verbal battles - were done, we never failed to kiss and make up.

When we were apart last winter, it killed me to be away from you and the kids every day.  Those 2 months felt like 20 years.  And when we finally were able to reunite under a single roof, I tried to hide from you that I knew more about your health than you were telling.

You were so brave, knowing that your chance of making your 44th birthday was small.  And when you made it, it was one of the happiest days of my life.  And the worst day was when Kiana woke me up on Sunday to say you had crashed, and were in the ICU on a ventilator.  I had just kissed you good night, after making sure you didn't break out of the hospital and get a cheeseburger.

It was hard to see you that morning, with the ventilator and 7 iv's dripping.  Shae took a picture one of the nights we were there with you, she told me she thought we looked cute.  When I first saw it I was horrified, but after looking at it a little longer, I realized it was the last picture I would have of you, so I cherish it.

I miss you so much, and am so glad the last thing I said to you when you were still awake is that I loved you.  And that I got to kiss you goodbye this morning.  As we take you to your rest, the world should know how much I loved you.